I like this guy.
A lot.
Remember the one I told you about? The 32 year old.
Yeah.
I
Really
Like him.
It's kind of sad... no, it's really sad. It's sad because he's not interested in me. It's sad because he cant know how I feel about him. It's sad because I cant put myself out there too much.
I like him.
Interesting and funny.
He captivates me.
I cannot get enough. I soak up everything he says like a sponge that's been brittle for years. Stupid? Yeah, I probably am. But I don't even care. Where is there a rule that states that a girl cant like a guy who's 12 years older? Where's the rule stating a guy has to be interested in a girl before she can like him? Show me, and I'll abide by them; but until then, I am going to go by my gut, heart and head. All three say like him.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Monday, October 10, 2011
Shit Happens; I Wish I Knew the Reasons
When bad things happen in a small town, it REALLY matters. Even if you don't really know the people that something has happened to, you still feel a deep sense of sadness, because you're connected to them through your town.
That's how I feel right now.
A couple of nights ago, someone broke into a couple's house and stabbed them both. Why any person would be compelled to do this, I don't know.
A husband and wife.
These people were kind and lovely. She was a banker. He is a crane man at Alcan; and he survived.
Her life was taken from here. She did not pass away, she did not go peacefully. Her life was stolen. It isn't fair. She was a beautiful woman. She just became a grandmother... Now she's just a memory.
I am a firm believer that everything happens for a
Reason,
But right now, I'm having a really hard time trying to justify that belief.... because what could the reason for this travesty be? God brings good from everything, but how can this bring anything but hurt?
I wish I knew the reasons for everything, it would make things hurt less.
That's how I feel right now.
A couple of nights ago, someone broke into a couple's house and stabbed them both. Why any person would be compelled to do this, I don't know.
A husband and wife.
These people were kind and lovely. She was a banker. He is a crane man at Alcan; and he survived.
Her life was taken from here. She did not pass away, she did not go peacefully. Her life was stolen. It isn't fair. She was a beautiful woman. She just became a grandmother... Now she's just a memory.
I am a firm believer that everything happens for a
Reason,
But right now, I'm having a really hard time trying to justify that belief.... because what could the reason for this travesty be? God brings good from everything, but how can this bring anything but hurt?
I wish I knew the reasons for everything, it would make things hurt less.
Monday, October 3, 2011
Just Friends; No Benefits Mkaaayy?
I gave a guy my phone number. He didn't ask for it. We're
Just Friends.
And I'm totally fine with that. I wasn't fine with it at first. But I really am now. You see, I was driving myself totally and completely crazy about if he was interested or not. But the fact of the matter is, he ISN'T. So, why should I waste all my time thinking about if he's going to talk to me and hoping that he's going to fall in love with me? When clearly, he won't.
I gave this guy my phone number.
The last time we spoke (before today, that is) he suggested that we meet up for coffee. Obviously, I agreed. The problem here is that there was no plans made for this "coffee date" and I got kind of frustrated by that. And since I decided that we were just friends, I figured I could take matters into my own hands and give him my phone number, so he could contact me about going for coffee...
I gave him my phone number
To contact me about coffee... but really, I want him to use it just to text me, or call me. You see, I still like him. I'm not really sure WHY, because I don't really know him. Perhaps I'm infatuated with him because he somewhat "fits" into my ideal-man-mold. Or maybe it's because he's this giant mystery that I've yet to solve. I don't know, but whatever it is... it's drawing me to him.
I gave a guy my phone number
I am so frustrated.
I am so wrapped up in this whole "just friends" business now, that IT'S starting to consume me. Mechi, what's your deal?!
Who is this really benefiting here? What is he getting out of this? Because I'm still going crazy.
Just Friends.
And I'm totally fine with that. I wasn't fine with it at first. But I really am now. You see, I was driving myself totally and completely crazy about if he was interested or not. But the fact of the matter is, he ISN'T. So, why should I waste all my time thinking about if he's going to talk to me and hoping that he's going to fall in love with me? When clearly, he won't.
I gave this guy my phone number.
The last time we spoke (before today, that is) he suggested that we meet up for coffee. Obviously, I agreed. The problem here is that there was no plans made for this "coffee date" and I got kind of frustrated by that. And since I decided that we were just friends, I figured I could take matters into my own hands and give him my phone number, so he could contact me about going for coffee...
I gave him my phone number
To contact me about coffee... but really, I want him to use it just to text me, or call me. You see, I still like him. I'm not really sure WHY, because I don't really know him. Perhaps I'm infatuated with him because he somewhat "fits" into my ideal-man-mold. Or maybe it's because he's this giant mystery that I've yet to solve. I don't know, but whatever it is... it's drawing me to him.
I gave a guy my phone number
I am so frustrated.
I am so wrapped up in this whole "just friends" business now, that IT'S starting to consume me. Mechi, what's your deal?!
Who is this really benefiting here? What is he getting out of this? Because I'm still going crazy.
Monday, September 19, 2011
What if Life Were Like Super Mario?
I'm not really a gamer. I don't play all the new, shoot-em-up games, and I don't have all the newest systems. However, I CRANK Super Mario Bros.
HARD.
I'm talking old school. Almost as old school as you can get: Super NES.
My roommate and I play, a lot.
Sometimes, we do really well. But, there are days where we do really bad. I mean really
Bad.
Sometimes, it's for legitimate reasons: like the ghosts are being particularly annoying today; or maybe the little blue dinosaurs in the chocolate mountains are coming at you from everywhere and you forgot how lethal they were; or the wizard is being a bitch... But sometimes the reasons for death are not so legitimate. Like when you jump
Right
Off
The
Edge.
Thats a terrible way to go. It's something that could have been avoided, and you feel stupid after making a mistake like that. An equally pathetic death is when you run right into a koopa or one of those ugly brown things that never seem to die... or when you frantically try to
catch
your Yoshi, and you slam into one of those evil football players. (I think those guys are the worst, especially when they multiply,
gross).
My roommate and I joke around all the time about how
super-cool
we are
for playing
nintendo.
But, there's something that has to be admitted here: I get really
ugly
when I play nintendo. Have you ever been in the same room as your father when he's watching hockey or football? If you have, then you'll know that he yells at the TV (at least, mine does)... but it's more than that. See, he's not just welling AT the
Television,
they are screaming at the referees for making a bad call, or at the players for being stupid and letting the other guy intercept a pass. Do you ever notice how foolish he is for doing that?
Well, times that by about 800 and then you've got me.
I get
mental
when I play nintendo. I scream. I yell. I swear a lot. I make awkward sounds that probably shouldn't emerge from the mouth of a woman. I bet I make really ugly faces... but thats the reality of it. The worst part of it is, I do it when I do well too.
Doing well in Mario is a fantastic feeling. It leaves you with a sense of accomplishment and fulfillment. Beating a boss is amazing. Completing a ghost house imparts dignity. Finding a secret passage you didn't realize was there before is
epic.
Pwning the wizard empowers me to scream "joyful profanities" (if there IS such a thing) at the television.
What if life was LIKE Super Mario?
CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE IT?!?!?!?!?!?!
Think about it... There would be
Theme music
everywhere
you went. You could grow and shrink at any possible time depending what kind of mushrooms or flowers you ran through. People would be zipping through the skies. You would hold onto your pennies. Dinosaurs would still roam the Earth. There would be no questioning whether or not ghosts existed.
You would
Never
Really... Die.
Eating the green mushrooms would give you an extra year. If you go to the Forest of Illusion, there's a level where you can get A LOT of lives. If you play it over and over again, you can get as many as you want. Can you imagine something like that? People would NEVER die. They'd just keep going back for more life.
talk about a fountain of youth.
If you didn't know about all the ways you can earn lives, and you received a
GAME OVER,
You start from where you left off.
Huh... interesting.
HARD.
I'm talking old school. Almost as old school as you can get: Super NES.
My roommate and I play, a lot.
Sometimes, we do really well. But, there are days where we do really bad. I mean really
Bad.
Sometimes, it's for legitimate reasons: like the ghosts are being particularly annoying today; or maybe the little blue dinosaurs in the chocolate mountains are coming at you from everywhere and you forgot how lethal they were; or the wizard is being a bitch... But sometimes the reasons for death are not so legitimate. Like when you jump
Right
Off
The
Edge.
Thats a terrible way to go. It's something that could have been avoided, and you feel stupid after making a mistake like that. An equally pathetic death is when you run right into a koopa or one of those ugly brown things that never seem to die... or when you frantically try to
catch
your Yoshi, and you slam into one of those evil football players. (I think those guys are the worst, especially when they multiply,
gross).
My roommate and I joke around all the time about how
super-cool
we are
for playing
nintendo.
But, there's something that has to be admitted here: I get really
ugly
when I play nintendo. Have you ever been in the same room as your father when he's watching hockey or football? If you have, then you'll know that he yells at the TV (at least, mine does)... but it's more than that. See, he's not just welling AT the
Television,
they are screaming at the referees for making a bad call, or at the players for being stupid and letting the other guy intercept a pass. Do you ever notice how foolish he is for doing that?
Well, times that by about 800 and then you've got me.
I get
mental
when I play nintendo. I scream. I yell. I swear a lot. I make awkward sounds that probably shouldn't emerge from the mouth of a woman. I bet I make really ugly faces... but thats the reality of it. The worst part of it is, I do it when I do well too.
Doing well in Mario is a fantastic feeling. It leaves you with a sense of accomplishment and fulfillment. Beating a boss is amazing. Completing a ghost house imparts dignity. Finding a secret passage you didn't realize was there before is
epic.
Pwning the wizard empowers me to scream "joyful profanities" (if there IS such a thing) at the television.
What if life was LIKE Super Mario?
CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE IT?!?!?!?!?!?!
Think about it... There would be
Theme music
everywhere
you went. You could grow and shrink at any possible time depending what kind of mushrooms or flowers you ran through. People would be zipping through the skies. You would hold onto your pennies. Dinosaurs would still roam the Earth. There would be no questioning whether or not ghosts existed.
You would
Never
Really... Die.
Eating the green mushrooms would give you an extra year. If you go to the Forest of Illusion, there's a level where you can get A LOT of lives. If you play it over and over again, you can get as many as you want. Can you imagine something like that? People would NEVER die. They'd just keep going back for more life.
talk about a fountain of youth.
If you didn't know about all the ways you can earn lives, and you received a
GAME OVER,
You start from where you left off.
Huh... interesting.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Honey and The Bee. I Fracking Wish
Don't remind me
That some days I'm the windshield
And other days I'm just a lucky bug
These cold iron rails
Leave old mossy trails
Through the countryside
The crow and the beanfield
are my best friends, but boy I need a hug
(Boy I need a hug)
'Cause my heart stops without you
There's something about you
That makes me feel alive
If the green left the grass on the other side
I would make like a tree and leave
But if I reached for your hand, would your eyes get
wide
Who knew the other side could be so green
Don't remind me
I'm a chickadee in love with the sky
But that's clearly not a lot to crow about
'Cause when the stars silhouette me
I'm scared they'll forget me and flicker out
I taste honey but I haven't seen the hive
Yeah, I didn't look, I didn't even try
But still my heart stops without you
There's something about you
That makes me feel alive
If the green left the grass on the other side
I would make like a tree and leave
But if I reached for your hand, would your eyes get wide
Who knew the other side could be so green
We are honey and the bee
Backyard of butterflies surrounded me
I fell in love with you like bees to honey
Let's up and leave the weeping to the willow tree
And pour our tears in the sea
I swear!
There's a lot of vegetables out there
That crop up for air
Yeah, I never thought
We were two peas in a pod
To be suddenly bloomed
And I knew that I'd always love you
Oh, I'll always love you too
If the green left the grass on the other side
I would make like a tree and leave
But if I reached for your hand, would your eyes get
wide
Who knew the other side could be so green
If the green left the grass on the other side
I would make like a tree and leave
But if I reached for your hand, would your eyes get
wide
Who knew the other side could be so green
If I reached for your hand for the rest of my life
Who knew the other side could be so green
--thanks for writing this, Adam Young. You're an inspiration
And other days I'm just a lucky bug
These cold iron rails
Leave old mossy trails
Through the countryside
The crow and the beanfield
are my best friends, but boy I need a hug
(Boy I need a hug)
'Cause my heart stops without you
There's something about you
That makes me feel alive
If the green left the grass on the other side
I would make like a tree and leave
But if I reached for your hand, would your eyes get
wide
Who knew the other side could be so green
Don't remind me
I'm a chickadee in love with the sky
But that's clearly not a lot to crow about
'Cause when the stars silhouette me
I'm scared they'll forget me and flicker out
I taste honey but I haven't seen the hive
Yeah, I didn't look, I didn't even try
But still my heart stops without you
There's something about you
That makes me feel alive
If the green left the grass on the other side
I would make like a tree and leave
But if I reached for your hand, would your eyes get wide
Who knew the other side could be so green
We are honey and the bee
Backyard of butterflies surrounded me
I fell in love with you like bees to honey
Let's up and leave the weeping to the willow tree
And pour our tears in the sea
I swear!
There's a lot of vegetables out there
That crop up for air
Yeah, I never thought
We were two peas in a pod
To be suddenly bloomed
And I knew that I'd always love you
Oh, I'll always love you too
If the green left the grass on the other side
I would make like a tree and leave
But if I reached for your hand, would your eyes get
wide
Who knew the other side could be so green
If the green left the grass on the other side
I would make like a tree and leave
But if I reached for your hand, would your eyes get
wide
Who knew the other side could be so green
If I reached for your hand for the rest of my life
Who knew the other side could be so green
--thanks for writing this, Adam Young. You're an inspiration
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Like Clockwork
Life loves to throw curveballs.
I don't think it knows how to
NOT
throw them.
It's like...
Here I am, minding my own business, doing what I do. Being who I want to
be. I am SINGLE and for once in what feels like
...forever,
I'm happy. No, happy is an understatement. I'm everything that goes along with it. I feel
Joyful.
Content.
Myself.
I know who I am. I am in control of my life. I'm letting Jesus
steer the wheel.
(or, trying to)
And I say "Hey God, I'm good right now, thanks. You are ALL I need. Screw boys, right!"
Then he laughs at me and says
"I DON'T THINK SO..." OR, maybe this is a test of my will power.
Yeah
I met
Someone.
He seems wonderful. But there are a few things in the way. Like the
12 YEAR age gap. Think about that for just a second. Are you done thinking about that? Good, because while you're moving on to the next thought, I'm still
dwelling
on the fact that this bo..er...Man. This man is more than a decade older than I am, and less then a decade younger than my mother.
MY MOTHER.
chew on that one for a while. How does that taste? It leaves a bad taste in my mouth too.
I realize I am getting too ahead of myself here. Sometimes I can be irrational;
but excuuuuuse me for falling victim for a guy who seems to be just my type:
christian*
kind
interesting
successful
driven
outgoing
Okay, so maybe these are things that the vast majority of people look for in their "type" of guy. But seriously, other than the age gap, he's like everything I've been looking for. He's a christian*. yeah...
A CHRISTIAN*
Sure, there are lots of them out there, but I haven't found any. Not any good ones... none that seem to be interested in me, anyways.
but
wait....
I don't even know if he is interested in me now. I feel like this is going to make my head spin. Yep, there it goes
spinning.
Kind of like the hands on the clock of life, going round and round, ticking away... waiting to
mess
me
UP
And there he goes, talking to me again. It continues.
I don't think it knows how to
NOT
throw them.
It's like...
Here I am, minding my own business, doing what I do. Being who I want to
be. I am SINGLE and for once in what feels like
...forever,
I'm happy. No, happy is an understatement. I'm everything that goes along with it. I feel
Joyful.
Content.
Myself.
I know who I am. I am in control of my life. I'm letting Jesus
steer the wheel.
(or, trying to)
And I say "Hey God, I'm good right now, thanks. You are ALL I need. Screw boys, right!"
Then he laughs at me and says
"I DON'T THINK SO..." OR, maybe this is a test of my will power.
Yeah
I met
Someone.
He seems wonderful. But there are a few things in the way. Like the
12 YEAR age gap. Think about that for just a second. Are you done thinking about that? Good, because while you're moving on to the next thought, I'm still
dwelling
on the fact that this bo..er...Man. This man is more than a decade older than I am, and less then a decade younger than my mother.
MY MOTHER.
chew on that one for a while. How does that taste? It leaves a bad taste in my mouth too.
I realize I am getting too ahead of myself here. Sometimes I can be irrational;
but excuuuuuse me for falling victim for a guy who seems to be just my type:
christian*
kind
interesting
successful
driven
outgoing
Okay, so maybe these are things that the vast majority of people look for in their "type" of guy. But seriously, other than the age gap, he's like everything I've been looking for. He's a christian*. yeah...
A CHRISTIAN*
Sure, there are lots of them out there, but I haven't found any. Not any good ones... none that seem to be interested in me, anyways.
but
wait....
I don't even know if he is interested in me now. I feel like this is going to make my head spin. Yep, there it goes
spinning.
Kind of like the hands on the clock of life, going round and round, ticking away... waiting to
mess
me
UP
And there he goes, talking to me again. It continues.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Don't Be An Ignorant Bitch, Hoe.
Facebook: it's this amazing thing that makes the world go round... at least that what it feels like these days. I don't go a day without giving myself some kind of update. Even if i don't go on Facebook, I still check my emails to see if anybody sent me anything important.
It's wonderful. I LOVE Facebook. I'm the first person do admit that I have a bit of an addiction, and I like it. However, it's when people use Facebook inappropriately that really chokes me.
If you need to vent about your personal life, do not put it on Facebook. Call up a friend, write in a journal, do an online blog that NOBODY knows about (ha ha ha), or something else that works for you that maybe I haven't thought of. But posting your entire person al life on Facebook is not okay. When you post things online, you want them to be seen. It doesn't matter if it's song lyrics, an inside joke, or something stupid.. you want it to get some kind of a reaction. When you post your personal business, you're basically telling people "hey, this is what's going on in my life, look at me!" and they will. They'll make comments and make you feel wonderful or whatever feeling you're trying to receive because you want the attention. I know how this works, I've been there.
When people make comments you disagree with, you get SO pissed off, and you shit a brick. Ya delete the comments that "make you look bad" (or whatever), and then post nasty things about people betraying you because they don't like how honest you are. Look here, princess, if you post things about wanting to get a divorce, moving out of your house and blaming a fight you had with your husband for your alleged baby problems (which, let's be honest, there were none), there are going to be people who tell you what you don't want to hear: grow up; don't post this shit on Facebook. If you're going to be so incredibly "honest" with people, and post your life online, then expect that people are not going to agree with you. Don't be mad when friends give you their opinions on your life that you don't agree with... you asked for it when you made a status update.
Clearly... I have issues with a certain person... she posted this nasty status update about how she couldn't believe that her "friends" had betrayed her for being honest about what she was going through, and that if they were real friends they wouldn't be so mean, or some shit like that. Some of the people that made comments on her Statuses that were really rude and harsh were only trying to be helpful, which in my opinion is fine. If you're going to express issues in public, expect that people are going to tell you what they thing in public. So, after this friendship betrayal comments, I wrote her this, because I'd had enough of her bullshit:
"
Facebook is something fun. Don't ruin it for the rest of us, Hoe.
It's wonderful. I LOVE Facebook. I'm the first person do admit that I have a bit of an addiction, and I like it. However, it's when people use Facebook inappropriately that really chokes me.
If you need to vent about your personal life, do not put it on Facebook. Call up a friend, write in a journal, do an online blog that NOBODY knows about (ha ha ha), or something else that works for you that maybe I haven't thought of. But posting your entire person al life on Facebook is not okay. When you post things online, you want them to be seen. It doesn't matter if it's song lyrics, an inside joke, or something stupid.. you want it to get some kind of a reaction. When you post your personal business, you're basically telling people "hey, this is what's going on in my life, look at me!" and they will. They'll make comments and make you feel wonderful or whatever feeling you're trying to receive because you want the attention. I know how this works, I've been there.
When people make comments you disagree with, you get SO pissed off, and you shit a brick. Ya delete the comments that "make you look bad" (or whatever), and then post nasty things about people betraying you because they don't like how honest you are. Look here, princess, if you post things about wanting to get a divorce, moving out of your house and blaming a fight you had with your husband for your alleged baby problems (which, let's be honest, there were none), there are going to be people who tell you what you don't want to hear: grow up; don't post this shit on Facebook. If you're going to be so incredibly "honest" with people, and post your life online, then expect that people are not going to agree with you. Don't be mad when friends give you their opinions on your life that you don't agree with... you asked for it when you made a status update.
Clearly... I have issues with a certain person... she posted this nasty status update about how she couldn't believe that her "friends" had betrayed her for being honest about what she was going through, and that if they were real friends they wouldn't be so mean, or some shit like that. Some of the people that made comments on her Statuses that were really rude and harsh were only trying to be helpful, which in my opinion is fine. If you're going to express issues in public, expect that people are going to tell you what they thing in public. So, after this friendship betrayal comments, I wrote her this, because I'd had enough of her bullshit:
"
Thats a really ignorant thing to say. Friends are people who protect the ones they care about, and are brave enough to let them know when they are making mistakes to help them grow. Perhaps you were offended when people told you that is was inappropriate to be posting extremely personal information all over Facebook for everyone to see, but thats not people betraying you, thats trying to help you see that it was immature and unwise. Being honest is one thing, but being completely and utterly blunt about things that should be nobody else's business is another. You cannot expect people to not react when you post things like wanting a divorce lawyer or blaming a fight for alleged problems with your baby. People care about you enough to be honest, and if you are going to get offended when people disagree with the things you post, then maybe you shouldn't post them."
Am I right, or am I right? Not that anybody reading this would know... you don't really know what went on. All I know is that I was not rude, but I was to the point. But, the bitch deleted and blocked me after. Which I was going to do anyways, so I honestly don't care, because now I'm not tempted to look at all her bull.
Facebook is something fun. Don't ruin it for the rest of us, Hoe.
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