Saturday, March 10, 2012


There are things I don't understand.

To be honest, there are a lot of things I don't understand.

I don't understand why a man will ask for a girl's number, then never call her.  I don't understand why some guys think that they are always right.  I don't understand most mathematical equations.  I don't understand women who treat men as objects.  I don't understand "nice bitches." I don't understand why Americans call rockets "smarties." Clearly, our smarties are actually smarties.

I don't understand why I get jealous when I see a guy I'm not even that interested in going after another woman.  I don't understand why I need attention.


I am intoxicated right now.  In fact, I am so intoxicated, that writing this blog post is quite difficult.  It's difficult because my hands are not working the way I want them to, so it's taking a lot of extra effort to type properly.

I'm most definitely drunk.

I like being drunk.  I don't really know why... well, that's not entirely true. I like being drunk because my feet go numb.  Yes, my feet.


Sometimes, I get really self conscious.  I think about how much weight I've gained in the last few years - it's kind of disgusting, when you think about it too long.
         I also get self conscious because I feel like I'm not as pretty as other girls.  I've always been this way.  I don't know why.


I need to be careful about what I say.  Sometimes, what I say is taken out of context.  I suppose that is true of most people, but,  I hate it when it happens to me.  I don't like being the bitch; especially when it's unintentional.  I don't like it when people think that I am being malicious or dishonest.  I always try to be honest.

I don't like fights over the internet or text messages... it gets too messy too quick.

To be honest, I don't really like text messages.  I think they're destroying the way we communicate with each other.  They serve their purpose, but they're destroying my psyche.

They're the over-thinker's worst nightmare.


Sometimes, I get sad.


Lately, I've been... well, I've been in this weird mood.  This awkward, self conscious mood.  There isn't really any other way to describe it.


I feel lost.
I feel like I am walking down a path
Eyes covered with a blindfold.
I don't like it.

Ever feel that way?
Like you're going no where, fast.
Aimlessly wandering, with no direction.
I feel that way.


It's 2:27am.
I am wearing blue mascara.
I am intoxicated.


Once upon a time, there was a guy who told me I was brilliant.

I didn't believe him.
I still don't believe him.

You see, brilliance hasn't chosen to manifest itself in me.  Maybe someday, but not right now.

If I were brilliant, I would be able to eloquently articulate what I aim to say.  However, I am often unable to do such a thing.


Sometimes, simplicity is the best thing.  Stop trying to be funny (I tell myself).


None of these things make any sense.

I have run out of words...

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