Captivate Me

I like this guy.
A lot.

Remember the one I told you about? The 32 year old.
Yeah.
I
Really
Like him.
It's kind of sad... no, it's really sad.  It's sad because he's not interested in me.  It's sad because he cant know how I feel about him.  It's sad because I cant put myself out there too much.

I like him.
Interesting and funny.
                                         He captivates me.
I cannot get enough.  I soak up everything he says like a sponge that's been brittle for years.  Stupid?  Yeah, I probably am.  But I don't even care.  Where is there a rule that states that a girl cant like a guy who's 12 years older? Where's the rule stating a guy has to be interested in a girl before she can like him?  Show me, and I'll abide by them; but until then, I am going to go by my gut, heart and head.  All three say like him.

Shit Happens; I Wish I Knew the Reasons

When bad things happen in a small town, it REALLY matters.  Even if you don't really know the people that something has happened to, you still feel a deep sense of sadness, because you're connected to them through your town.

That's how I feel right now.

A couple of nights ago, someone broke into a couple's house and stabbed them both.  Why any person would be compelled to do this, I don't know.

A husband and wife.

These people were kind and lovely.  She was a banker. He is a crane man at Alcan; and he survived.
Her life was taken from here. She did not pass away, she did not go peacefully. Her life was stolen.  It isn't fair.  She was a beautiful woman.  She just became a grandmother... Now she's just a memory.

I am a firm believer that everything happens for a
Reason,
But right now, I'm having a really hard time trying to justify that belief.... because what could the reason for this travesty be?  God brings good from everything, but how can this bring anything but hurt?

I wish I knew the reasons for everything, it would make things hurt less.

Just Friends; No Benefits Mkaaayy?

I gave a guy my phone number. He didn't ask for it.  We're
Just Friends.
And I'm totally fine with that.  I wasn't fine with it at first. But I really am now.  You see, I was driving myself totally and completely crazy about if he was interested or not.  But the fact of the matter is, he ISN'T. So, why should I waste all my time thinking about if he's going to talk to me and hoping that he's going to fall in love with me? When clearly, he won't.

I gave this guy my phone number.
The last time we spoke (before today, that is) he suggested that we meet up for coffee. Obviously, I agreed.  The problem here is that there was no plans made for this "coffee date" and I got kind of frustrated by that. And since I decided that we were just friends, I figured I could take matters into my own hands and give him my phone number, so he could contact me about going for coffee...

I gave him my phone number
To contact me about coffee... but really, I want him to use it just to text me, or call me.  You see, I still like him.  I'm not really sure WHY, because I don't really know him.  Perhaps I'm infatuated with him because he somewhat "fits" into my ideal-man-mold.  Or maybe it's because he's this giant mystery that I've yet to solve.  I don't know, but whatever it is... it's drawing me to him.

I gave a guy my phone number

                                                          I am so frustrated.
I am so wrapped up in this whole "just friends" business now, that IT'S starting to consume me.  Mechi, what's your deal?!

Who is this really benefiting here?  What is he getting out of this?  Because I'm still going crazy.